Why do we try so hard?

Today was one of my most frustrating days as a mother thus far! I told Toby on our way home in the car (after the ordeal) not to talk to me, even if he saw the real Santa Claus walking down the street, I didn't want to hear a peep out of him!

Here is what happened...

Toby has been excited for over a week now for this day. He was invited to his friend Lincoln's birthday party and they were going to tour a local fire station. This was the single most amazing thing that Toby had ever heard of in his 3 years on this earth. He was going to actually touch a fire truck and see a real live fireman!!!! Can you even imagine? :) This excitement has been brought to my attention everyday, all day... so I thought that this experience would be seamless.

Last night, just Toby and I went to Target to pick up a few things including a gift for Lincoln. He couldn't stop talking about the party even when we arrived home. He stayed up til almost midnight with anticipation (which might have added to his disposition at the party.) When we arrived at the fire station, he WOULD NOT get out of the car. I think it was like a super fan about to meet their idol and he simply got nervous...whatever. He finally got out of the car but they were out on a run so we decided to go back to Lincoln's house for lunch.

All Toby wanted to do was go upstairs and play with Lincoln's toys. He would not mind me at all and come down for lunch. He actually ignored me which pushed a button inside me I wasn't aware that I had. This is not the Toby I know. He is normally so well behaved so I wasn't use to my frustration @ the situation. He finally came down, ate lunch and the time had come to return to the fire station.

He was, again, uncharacteristically shy but loved the lights on the truck and just as he was walking in front of it, the fireman hit the siren! Toby screamed in pure terror and started running away from the truck and me! (toward the 55/65 mile per hour busy street) He would not mind me and the ignoring button was pushed again from earlier. I couldn't calm him down and I kept thinking, "Who are you and what did you do with my son?" He wouldn't get close to the group of kids for pictures, he wouldn't go near the truck, wouldn't listen to a word I was saying and to make matters worse, when I tried to pick him him up, he threw a tantrum and started kicking me! Even when I tried to get him in the car, he was flailing around like a madman. I felt so bad for my friend, Claire, who tried to make such a fun day for Toby.

I threw my hands up and said. "I'm done!" We were going home. I was not going to reward this sort of behavior by allowing him to continue with the festivites. As a mom, there comes a point when you know you are spent. And the sad thing is that he missed out on a really fun filled day. He missed getting up in the fire truck, seeing the fireman in his gear, cake and ice cream, opening presents, water games etc...

Soooooo, hence the Santa Claus statement at the beginning of my story. Toby fell asleep on the way home. (probably because he didn't want to face my wrath when we got there.) But before he did, I explained (with some helpful advice from my mom and Marsha) that I loved him but was very disapoointed and sad. I told him that he really missed out and that next time we will have try to have more fun if he can be a big boy and be good. We'll see...